flickerfade.org

i’m listening to this weird sugar ray/rivers cuomo song, love is the answer. it’s like weezer for kids, kind of. i’m not sure how to characterize these strange collaborations.

i’m beginning to think more clearly at work.

what is the modern-day equivalent of speed dial when everybody you know fits in your phone, your twitter followers list, your facebook friends list, your buddy list? everybody is more accessible, yet everyone is further away than ever before. look at us, staring at our screens, even when we’re out, ostensibly together, apart in reality. there are days when i work late, and all communication i have with my friends is through screens–text messages, twitter, whatever.

the result is that i think out loud now, because i don’t have anyone to run my ideas by. it’s just like writing them down. some shit sounds real dumb when you hear it for the first time.

it’s hard enough to strive to be your best; it’s even harder to accept that, despite your efforts, you’re likely going to be average anyway.

still, that should never stop us from trying. we should try to get better, together. and that means we must all try to be “positive deviants” by understanding our performance, reflecting on it, and improving on it, both through better preparation and better improvisation.

the review i wrote on goodreads was longer. oh well.

i am very confused about what exactly makes me happy.

i should write more about the problems i really care about. the funny thing is that it’s easy to solve problems that don’t really change anything when solved. or is it that i mis-identify those supposedly pointless problems, the problems that only those who are affluent suffer?

the solutions to these problems are like reality tv. they would make someone happy, and someone rich. but they’d add almost no value to this world.

so back to the whole startup thing that i’m supposed to be chasing. like dating sites, sure, i could build a better one if i thought about it, but honestly i don’t give a shit, too bad. although, if you asked me to help you build one i probably would. i’m actually a top-class engineer, most likely. just inexperienced, a bunch of shit to learn, and an elusive passion to find.

the search for that special problem that means me tired. excited, but tired. i can’t tell if it’s because i lack a creative outlet, or if it’s because i’m working too hard. those are two extremes. not sure how that’s possible.

in any case, i’m probably not going anywhere until this problem is solved. i’ll get stronger, but i’ll be going nowhere. like half the people at my gym.