from 2006:
8:20:37 PM aliang: hello me
8:20:42 PM aliang: how’s it goign me
8:20:45 PM aliang: eat shit me
8:21:01 PM aliang: flkjhslfhklsdhflkshgklhsflkghsflkhglskhglksdhglksdhglksgh
8:21:02 PM aliang: klwetjfhgk;wrejahg;laser
8:21:03 PM aliang: FUCk
i was most definitely not drunk. it was 8 pm. i do not get drunk at 8 pm. not yet anyway.
i miss stuff and i am not working to fix that. or maybe i am. i don’t know how i feel. i just overthink. a lot.
update, it’s better now. cards on the table. that reduces the overthink. the result sucks sort of, but not anywhere near as much as overthink. i’m still sad (in the disappointed sense, not in the “let’s jump off cliffs” sense) that we couldn’t give this a proper shot because things went too fast. the freakouts kind of ruin the chemistry. so i think of this as a reboot in a way. now i can go back to being whatever.
and yeah, whatever. i never close doors. when you’re young you expect everything to work out. it doesn’t. not immediately anyway, lots of things take time and effort and just dumb luck. you never know what will happen. so much random shit has happened to me that i just don’t expect anything anymore, except for things like sunrise and sunset. [1] realizing that stuff doesn’t work out immediately or at all makes me feel, well, older.
[1] and some philosophers (david hume) would even question whether you can expect that, just based on the fact that sunrise and sunset have happened in the past.
so what happened that year? we’ll find out after some drinking brings it back to the surface.
the big thing i remember was my birthday party. i remember the ugly red checkered tablecloth (possibly an incorrect memory). i remember my dad wore a vest. i remember the cake.
i started attending preschool at norman christian academy, despite the fact that we are not christian. (i think this place still exists.) i remember they kept sending me to the 4 and 5 year old classes. i didn’t really understand why at the time. in preschool, do you make friends? i ask this because i don’t remember anyone from preschool at all.
i might not remember anyone because we flipped across town not too much later. anyway at preschool we had all these weird plays. i think there are pictures of me dressed up as a muffin and with a (fake) pie on my head, some play about bakers or something. i vaguely remember game days where we could win toys. i didn’t win much. actually back then i didn’t really have toys. or did i? i think we were kinda broke at the time. i get the feeling my kids will live a similar life, unless i quickly figure out the secret of not being broke.
i wonder if my memories of later years will be more robust. it’s hard to remember things, especially since i sort of interrupted this project for a couple of years.