flickerfade.org

this is just my typo-prone ghost posting.

while i’m in the air, i’m thinking of all my friends who took the time to speak and listen to me last week. i just wanted to stay in touch. (my horoscope told me to, honest, haha. and it certainly did brighten these last few boring days a lot.) for some reason, i felt like it needed to be done right before i left.

i think i called everyone i needed to call, but i’m running out of time and energy. actually, i already ran out. and if i missed you, maybe you should call me. please don’t call me in the middle of the night ahaha.

for shits and giggles, here is a list of my travels, in somewhat non-random order. only travel out of the united states.

canada
hong kong
macau
hong kong
hong kong
hong kong
hong kong
japan
netherlands
germany
austria
switzerland
italy
france
vatican city
england
hong kong
canada
hong kong
japan
england
costa rica
hong kong
korea
macau

it is a lot of places. a lot of change. do you want to know what i am thinking about on the way to hong kong? i have been thinking about it for a while, and i didn’t tell this to any of the three people i spoke with on the phone, or anyone i saw in the past week. i am beginning to realize that the story of humanity is about coping with change. we are all looking for someone to change with us. the same speed. the same direction. in that way, from that change, we can find stability, the sameness we yearn for. the reason things fall apart is change, different ways all at once, like a little whirpool into which hopes and fears disappear. and off we go into different directions. change is at once, strangely, brilliantly mesmerizing and depressing. things are violently swirling around us. bigger things. and when things don’t change the way we want them to, we try to fight it. i find that usually, this is pretty futile. it’s usually easier to change the frame of reference.

but i think it’ll be ok. or it won’t. so what. at least i’m not eating e.coli contaminated spinach. and most likely i’m not dying on this plane, either. and even if i was, pffft. i had great friends. i got to see large portions of the world. i even tried to change the world a little bit (probably unsuccessfully, but who knows). so yeah it’s still ok. actually death probably isn’t the worst thing that could happen to us. it’s probably stagnation.

this probably doesn’t make sense any more. oh well.

i was talking on the phone last night to a couple of people again, since i really didn’t have anything to do before the trip. i was planning on trying to stay up until i got on my connecting flight

so uh, i just overslept my international flight. i’m sure this happens all the time to important people (TM) but for me it is very exciting. i’m especially looking forward to that portion of the ride where MY PARENTS KILL ME.

i’m kinda surprised how well i am taking this. i think i made the reservation agent’s day.

and i also find it amusing how i usually have no problems with stuff like this, and then, the one time i do, boy do i fuck the hell up.

my parents kill me. that sounds like a great name for a band or a movie or something.

it’s so funny how we forget and how we remember things.

next week. no.

anyway, there are only a couple of ways to tackle doubt in any given situation.

one is ABORT ABORT ABORT and wuss out and give up.
the other is to actually try and fix shit.