flickerfade.org

dear v.

although you didn’t like playing, you were one of the better violinists i knew. there was one time we went on an orchestra trip. we barely talked before then but we ended up sitting next to each other somehow, and we talked. i’m glad we had that conversation on the bus, i doubt you remember it. i actually don’t remember what we talked about either.

you got sleepy and (logically) fell asleep on my shoulder. i miss contact like that. how sad. am i that desperate, weak? i don’t feel that way but certainly i miss having someone like that to confide in and lean on, both the significant other type and the anonymous type. i noticed that today on the elevator when i rested my head on the wall. i was among all my friends, but . . .

i wonder if i was always distant to you. i was like that. i still am. you were never like that. you had all the friendship you could ever want, and i bet you appreciated it and always will. too bad we never became better friends. i hope you’re doing well. thanks for that one moment.

alvin

you know, it’s really weird. i’ll soon see some of these people to whom i wrote open letters here on flickerfade. that was the whole point of those open letters, those “letters to my past,” to say things i thought i’d never have the chance to say to people. and now i’ll have a chance. funny how that works out.

the moral of the story is, don’t be afraid to say it the first time. sometimes you only get one opportunity. except, i don’t appear to have learned my lesson haha.

i think it’s time for another open letter. please wait here.