flickerfade.org

ow! i have two hangnails. time to drink some water. the turtles are back to their original owner. i’ll miss them. they had water. haha. they should try to be teenage mutant ninja turtles. except small and cute so they don’t give people attitude.

i’d like to think i got better at dealing with people with attitudes. but i’m not sure if that’s true. i have to admit that i have an attitude at times, and it pisses me off. i should just shut my mouth. i always learn my lessons slightly late. not totally late, but slightly.

here’s a problem i still have time to deal with. on the way home, i thought about apathy. apathy sucks. and i am guilty of it at times. less so now, but still sometimes. it’s getting better though. my mother always used to say i liked to be social, but i was always a follower. i would never start things on my own. so we’ll see how i deal with that. i am good at making friends/enemies once i meet them, but i’m bad at meeting them.

more specifically, the problem is i don’t really need to meet people, so i don’t care if i do or not. i find ways of amusing myself when people aren’t around. like learning guitar. and reading, and writing. but i’d run out of things to write about really fast if i didn’t have the interactions i had with other people to colour my life. this is a nice feeling, a sort of independence, but at the same time it drags me down.

i think many of us need to get out more. i try. i hope we all do. i don’t feel like i should be social with people i don’t want to be, but i shouldn’t limit myself to the people i interact most easily with. there is reward in knowing more people. not crap knowing, like “i know who she is” or “i had lunch with him/her once or twice” or anything like that, but to talk. it’s hard. i have to open myself up. every single one of us has interesting stories. i just have to tell mine, and listen for other people’s.

silence is certainly easy, but all it takes is a couple of words. why won’t they come out? my brain’s repeating, if you’ve got an impulse let it out, but they never make it past my mouth. bah bah, bah bah, this is the sound of settling. dirty death cab for cutie, always partially stuck in my head.

having songs stuck in my head, that must be why i like the guitar. with violin i can’t sing, but i can sing along with the guitar, and get the songs out of my head. i’ve decided i need to learn more songs to get better at guitar. also, i need to do more chord and scale work. my picking is kind of off. hey jude, yesterday, some starsailor stuff, angel.

i’ve got to get a look at that public toilet in copley square.

my mother warns me to get rid of as much of my food and drink as possible, because summer is always approaching. (i agree with this, of course.) but this means i have to drink all of the alcohol in my room before then. this could be fun! i also have to drink a lot of coffee. of course, caffeine and alcohol don’t mix, so separately. one in the morning, one at night? you figure out which is which.

i usually don’t post links, but i’ve used enough crap in the last few days to suggest this site all about usability. ugh so many bad websites in the past few days. including mine. will work on that, i promise. someday, anyway. but the site also focuses on other points in usability, not just web.

ronco infomercials in spanish rock. dude, he sells like twenty-five knives/cutting instruments for forty dollars. that’s like a dollar and fifty cents per knife. and it’s enough knives to slaughter a cow or something. that’s gross. and the knives are clear copies of the miracle blade III. (i watch way too much late night television. i usually don’t watch much during the day.)

hmmm. promises. i usually don’t make them because i’m bad at keeping them. so i only make the ones i know i’ll keep. that’s lame. i should just keep more promises.