instead of looking up when i was outside i looked around. a different view, i must say. there was this guy staring in front of baker house when i went out at about 12 am. i wonder what he was staring at. i think it was the weeping willow in front of the building. so i stared at him. and he stared at me. that was a lot of pointless staring. reminds me of the guy who was staring at the birds. i wonder why i am running into all these people looking at the nature in the urban areas.
we have an apartment, wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok. so i am looking forward to having clean bathrooms which my neighbors don’t ass up. and balconies which i can sleep on. cable television. a bathtub. cooking. being independent.
things are looking up. i really can get away. i contain the excitement well.
i really don’t know why i am happy. or about my identity. all that walking around confused me a bit too. sometimes i wonder about how i started believing the things i do believe in. i guess it is taking all that stuff in at once. but that means i am always changing. i have this profound admiration for those who stick to their beliefs. at the same time, i cannot seem to find mine and stick to them.
i don’t really care why i’m happy. but i do want to understand myself a little more. i think that is why i write all this stuff. sometimes i wonder how some people can write and write and never look back to see how they’ve changed. sometimes i wonder why people don’t try to remember things, even the good things. they have staged pictures, what do they tell them in the future? in the future, how and what do you remember? do you just remember what you want? so many pointless questions. i should try to take care of my own thoughts first.