flickerfade.org

we have a flat! hahahahahahahahahah sneer.

oh baby. and through hmv’s inflated prices i still managed to score three new discs.

i get tired of saying the same things over and over again. this keyboard is really sticky.

but i really like being outside. and walking around. and swinging. back to work. time to pick up and possibly sign a lease. it’s cold to some outside right now but warm to me.

i am so lucky.

having said all that i’ve said i am a big hypocrite for having to lie to postpone class tomorrow. i feel like i’m in high school; the dog ate my homework, that’s it. or in my case, i have sars. not really. i’m just sick. which is a lie, partially. i did have this strange narcolepsy tonight. but whatever, it sucks. i am not taking responsibility for going out tonight. i am not taking responsibility for dropping dead for three hours on couches in the lounge.

and going out tonight was nice. the table we sat at at tgi friday’s brought back memories because a year or so ago i was sitting there with mandy. (i don’t remember what i ordered, though.) how funny. david’s a lucky guy, haaaaaa. i really believe that.

i ate like a cow. except, cows don’t eat pigs or potatoes. nor do they eat dairy products, i assume. there is always room for free ice cream. and there is even more room for cheescake afterwards. i remember when we tried to eat all the different kinds of cheesecake. i also remember why i started liking white chocolate raspberry truffle so much, and who introduced me to it.

getting away is always great. i can’t take it here anymore. too much of other issues as well. but the best part was getting away to be with friends. all the people (okay, just three) who suddenly ended up joining us. it really underscored the importance of just letting things happen. in love, i am really stupid. i fall into relationships without knowing it. that is another illustration. catching up with old friends is great. allowing the past to touch you is good too. (allowing the past to consume you is not so good. but that is not happening to me, thank you very much.)

that was a very disjointed paragraph. as we walked back to next house i let myself slip behind so i could watch my friends be happy and stare at the sky. that felt good.

the nice thing about sleeping is that you can pretend not to know anything for a few hours. in your dreams. you can pretend you are home again. with the blue venetian blinds over your window, your tv turning on to wake you up on a weekday morning, all those pictures you meant to frame, your fondest memories and wildest fears staring you down at the same time.

and when you wake up, someone is still taking care of you. you wake up warm because someone threw a fuzzy purple blanket on you. and you wake up in a dark room, because someone wanted you to sleep well. and although you don’t remember when it happened or who did it, and although you’re cold even with the blanket and hellishly lost after a nightmare, you remember all that goodwill.

even when we are alone, someone is taking care of us.