i think about the future. like graduating, and work, and family, and friends, and loss, and growing old. i feel overwhelmed suddenly. i’m scared and depressed.
that means i’m ready to go to bed and run away from my problems. then i’ll wake up and forget for a bit. then my problems will return within the hour. hahaha.
i love the beatles. of course, so does just about anyone else.
instead of sleep i will shop for christmas gifts. i think i might be getting somewhere? it’s ridiculous how amazon has just about everything. except the thing you really want. their shipping offer is tremendous. saves you that damn 5% of tax.
maybe not. meanwhile i will listen to the beach boys! mwahahahaha. then we’ll follow that up with some death cab for cutie. i finally found the mobius band cd. mwahaha. but it fucked up my amazon order so i didn’t buy it.
i will also talk (or rather instant message) to old friends whom i haven’t talked to in ages. i love their reactions when you tell them something about your life or another friend’s life that they’d never guess. like “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT”. hahaha.
hmmmmmmm.
i forgot to ask people what they dream of. it was close, there was some conversation about what they’d be if money, etc wasn’t a problem, but i never got to the real question. in a way i think we are all searching for more or less the same essential things.
i’m less bothered now by last night. not to say we’ve all grown up or anything. time heals all wounds. i hope. speaking of time the lab’s only five hours away, so i’ll go to sleep now.
haven’t posted in a week. sorry. i’m so happy.
balderdash is great, except when you’re getting your ass kicked both literally and figuratively. therefore there was someone having a bad time tonight, i think. i want to kick the ass of the neighbor who shat all over the second toilet in the nearby bathroom. probably drunk. i think during all the great times this week was some sort of call to grow up. in some cases it’s been subtle, but this weekend it’s been beating us over the head. think about the foolishness on friday night. then think about the foolishness during balderdash. think about the fool who shat all over the toilet. think about how little i go to class. the subtle incidents i’ll keep to myself, thank you very much, because the list would grow very long.
i wish people were more considerate. i wish people would stand up for themselves. there was this asshole woman on the bus on the way to, where was it again? anyways she was sitting on the outside of one of the seats with nobody on the inside, and the bus was packed. she didn’t offer her seat at all. i hope this woman has some horrible event happening in her life now. but i should have said something. but i guess you can’t do both at the same time, can you? this paragraph makes no sense when read in order.
i feel lucky. the vast majority of the friends i’ve been privileged to have are actually very mature. they are very considerate, even through mistakes. they stand up for themselves, i hope. that is the only thing i can’t verify consistently, because i don’t know the hopes and dreams of all my friends. that’s really scary. of course i think some of my friends don’t know their own hopes and dreams, so i guess that’s sort of fair. sort of. i think i will ask everyone what their dreams are tomorrow.
revenge is so sweet yet so wrong. how random. sometimes i feel all this . . . contempt building inside. which is very stupid of me. people tell me things are just games, yet they take them so seriously themselves. maybe i’m just tired and confused. i hate hypocrisy. revenge just leads to more revenge. then everyone gets hurt. like some bullshit from star wars. at least we don’t have one of those bullshit codes that has us harming peoples’ families. although what i watched tonight might have convinced me otherwise.
i hate hatred?
growing up is so scary. the more i think about it the more i’m like my parents. i love my parents. i remembered today that i don’t know what in hell they do all day when i’m not home. in fact, i haven’t known for three years. i should ask them that next time.
i think i will go to class tomorrow, or at least study 5.07 a hell of a lot. that would be one step, taking responsibility for class? but i think i will fail, because i think i grow up more by identifying my problems and not doing a thing about them. i’m a sad fool sometimes.
my cheese will go bad soon. i’ll eat it all tomorrow. how wrong.
free fire and ice, eh? not bad. go splash. and teach useless things like smash bros. still have a shload of christmas shopping to do. i’m a horrible gift-giver! please help me.
i think this is the most bi-polar entry i’ve ever posted. or maybe not. see, there i go again. this entry is the most disorganised of all my random shit to date, i believe also. tomorrow i promise i’ll organise my mind a little more.
i think i will be less wrong now. i will limit myself to one wrong comment per day. this too is probably false, like the 5.07 and going to class thing. whatever happened to all my dimensions? all i have is friendship. maybe that’s more dimensions than i can ever appreciate.
on an unrelated note as much of this has been nobody’s filled out tina’s survey in a while. i think i know what to make of it now. all it takes is a couple more people before i do it also. i remember issel (was it?) saying that it’s interesting because of all the asinine details one learns about the person writing. the funny thing is that i don’t look at the asinine details. i look at the tone from the writing. even the short stuttered answers, but of course not the one-word ones that you can’t read anything from. i wish i was better at reading people. i think the word asinine is great. i first heard it used a lot by a friend at ossm.
asinine. 1. utterly stupid or silly. 2. of, relating to, or resembling an ass.
strangely, this is the happiest i’ve been in a long time. i feel like discovering something.