flickerfade.org

enough. i refuse to stop blogging like i did before. i also refuse to apologize for the content here, but maybe for the method in which the content is delivered, though. i wrote an explanation but it’s kind of harsh, i might edit it to be a bit less harsh and post it here sometime. in short, i stand behind what i say until evidence presents itself to the contrary. i backed down once before but not again. i will face the consequences, just as someone who speaks publicly does, because this writing is just as public. i’m sorry for any trouble this may cause, but some things cause just as much trouble when unsaid or only said in private, so either way is a risk. sometimes i will choose incorrectly.

anyways, we taught smash at splash this weekend. actually, there was almost no teaching. just vince and i showing a couple of people who had never played how to play. the tourney was interesting, some great battles and some not-so-great battles. jelani got beat. but it was great. the winner was quite a dirty fox player. we could have organised better, though. we should have found a couple more controllers and another cart, because we had three consoles for about fifty people. and we were all just lazy until the last minute. at least we didn’t dress up. that would have been preposterous. next year, maybe? maybe not. now all that remains is to return everything i borrowed.

blogging would be interesting to teach. qualms about content and reach, especially. the only problem would be getting a lot of computers together. hehehe. another hard thing about blogging is staying motivated. you just have to appreciate the little things you miss every day, because there’s much more going on in your life than you might first think.

i dreamed there were spirits coming out of my heater today. how strange. got to start listening to happier music. because i’m happy. right now? travis, love will come through, their track for an upcoming movie.

were people waiting for me today? i don’t know. i hope they didn’t wait too long.

five and a half hours of napping today. grrrrreat. now 6.002. damn op-amps. one of the funny things about myself is that i don’t know what the hell i’m doing. sometimes i wish i was at some liberal arts school. maybe it’s 21W time! we’ll see after next term. it’s funny how plans change, i was going to be a physicist at first. now i’m a biologist. horrible 5.07 exam today also. i studied for like six hours last night too. i think it’s time to start attending lectures again, because i got slammed by dirty ketone bodies.

when i return my borrowed nintendo 64 systems i’m going to be returning a lot more than that. i think i’ve been failing to live in the present still, though i’ve become a bit better. shopping for christmas gifts soon. the christmas season seems to creep further and further towards october. i think i’ll put up my lights soon. when i get around to cleaning my room, that is.

i have a beef stick, and i’m not afraid to use it! that’s kinda dirty. but really, duels with beef sticks and brie in star? too good to pass up.

what do i read in my spare time? try this. updated every morning with ridiculous and not-so-ridiculous content. my favorite morning destination, and way better than any newspaper (it isn’t one, though).

this is being posted later than i expect, because blogger is off its game today. no offence to blogger but someday if and when i become assfucking rich i’ll get my own web server and never have this problem again. most likely i will never be assfucking rich, however.

the real time of posting is about 5 am on 22 november 2002.

yeah. today was quite interesting. lots of music downloading. like pavement. and godspeed you black emperor, and another sunny day real estate track. eventually i will buy cds. i swear. but i spent too much money. AGAIN. fuck. oooooh, i should remember my time cards this week. and cash my paycheck.

all this however would require me to be awake. 6.002 was ok. haven’t been to class for three days.

it looks like i’m in a rush when writing this because i want to write in my real journal.

oh, yeah. so today i was talking to mike young and issel about whatever. all of a sudden i got really pissed at david, who wasn’t there. this is because i realised that i can’t help him forever and that it’s a lost cause. i think this happened when mike mentioned he dropped 5.07. it pisses me off because of the fact that even when you help him it’s futile. i just waste my time. but i know i should try. so this just leads to needless, stupid frustration. there. i reiterated what i wrote a couple of entries ago. but this time i used names. yay.

i guess dropping is better than failing. but david is just a waste of intelligence. smart but entirely too lazy. i feel bad because i used various curse words to express this frustration at the time. also, i feel bad because he’s my friend, and i shouldn’t talk about friends like this. this sucks.

so i folded cranes for like an hour to clear my head. you can fold a thousand in a week singlehandedly if you don’t care about quality. but then it’s not special. now that i think about it, even though i’ve done it twice it’s never felt special. i think i need to do this with friends, for friends. then it’ll be special. i think this thousand will be special.

how logical. i should really be sleeping. but it’s time for my other journal.

because i’m too lazy to blog tonight i will tell you about another interesting site that i visit to pass my already lacking time.

so lately i’ve been going to a homeless shelter to help out in serving/preparing dinner and such. one day we had a conversation about computers and the homeless. i think. or my memory sucks ass.

well, homeless people can and do get access to the internet and such. the place i volunteered at last year was working on it, but libraries are always good for that sort of thing (or they should be).

so yeah, there’s a homeless guy with a blog, he was featured on the blogger home page. it’s really interesting to see how his site has evolved since the beginning (too bad you missed it).

my day today? overslept, again. but not as bad as i thought. apparently i set the real time (not the alarm time) on my clock two hours forward, PAST the alarm time, so nothing woke me up. then i woke up and got really freaking confused when my watch and clock didn’t match. then i thought i had already missed all my classes, so i proceeded to start doing genetics. then i realised i HADN’T missed all my classes, so i decided to actually miss all my classes and work on my research.

whew. i haven’t been to class in two days, and 6.002 is going to kick my ass. so i’m going to sleep now.

i can do it. thanks, everyone.

i wish i had something profound to say. i wish my friends would work out their issues. but that’s out of my control. all i can do is care, everyone seems to say. it’s hard to let things out of your control though. then again it’s hard when you failed because you didn’t try. so i guess it’s better to try futilely.

i’m rather scared, actually.