what was i talking about earlier? analysing things.
there’s a lot of funny stuff going on on the third floor. i won’t analyse that stuff. because i’m not involved except when asked. giving advice is hard work because you don’t want to fuck anyone over by accident. (it happens more than you think, so i keep my mouth shut.)
if you have yet to figure it out, it’s funny relationship stuff. funny not in the humourous sense, sorry.
but i can analyse the funny stuff in my life. while we’re on the crap about relationships i can talk about that.
let me sum up my current relationship stuff. my whole attitude is currently indifferent, maybe leaning towards “not trying.” why? first, i have trouble taking care of myself. and if i can’t take care of myself then i can’t really take care of anyone else, eh? second, i seem to have this thing about STOPPING myself from liking anyone romantically. it’s like i’m trying to avoid pain. of course, by doing so i avoid lots of good things too. no risk, no reward.
so there. one analysis down.
now, i can analyse my performance in class. let me sum it up thusly: i am a lazy asshole. sorry. i get quite lucky much of the time, because i do very little beyond what is required of me. it’s beginning to show too. luckily, i have noticed this (obviously, or i wouldn’t be writing anything about it). so i have stepped it up a level to “normal work mode” or whatever the fuck you want to call it. i actually go to class now. in fact, i have been to my 8:30 am class six (6) times in a row; before i only attended about once every two weeks (three meetings/week).
why is my performance so bad? i have no drive, really. i don’t really want to do anything, because i don’t really like doing anything. i don’t really hate much either, and i’d like to think i’m capable of anything anyways. (except professional athelete.) so the choices don’t really narrow down for me as they do for other people. most people have something they just can’t see themselves doing or something they suck at. i don’t. for example i can really see myself being a writer if i put my mind to it. so i’m fucked. TOO BAD. this is why i’m both EECS and biology at the same time, i am paralysed by indecision. in fact, i am leaning towards humanities right now. i’m too restless also. i want to travel and enrich my life a different way.
this is a big turning point in my life.
now, for the random things.
- fifa 2002 is fun. when you’re winning. mwahaha
- i have more confidence than before. this was a real problem about a month and a half ago.
- i listen to music constantly. except duting lectures and exams.
- i fixed my sleeping schedule. except i may be fucking it up RIGHT NOW.
- damn hooks don’t support anything.
- many things in life boil down to common sense and decisiveness.
- $3.25 is too much for a chinese desert. unless it’s a whole cake or something. the cake would have to be the size of a personal pizza too. this inflated the cost of my lunch by almost $7.00 after fucking tax!
- running into people in three different places is funny. especially when it’s an ex-couple that’s doing the running-into, with one of their new significant-others there. names omitted for obsfucation. although all of these involved parties know what i’m talking about. it’s very eerie too. the chances must be slim.
- that was a really long list item.
- i need to go somewhere new for dinner.
- you know you’ve been wasting too much time when one 2+ hr md REPEATS.
- something i do not like in a girl – the tendency to worry too much. unfortunately this rules out about half of MIT’s female population.
- one day i will make a list of things i like in women. it will not be comprehensive nor will not having/contradicting any of these things rule anyone out.
- no one will see this list because it could lead to much embarassment/slapping in the face. this includes any future girlfriends.
- in fact i should probably NOT make this list, in order to avoid the aforementioned slapping in the face.
- i’m finally sleepy again, my brain is tired.